An anorexic's diary

La traduje al inglés porque sonaba más como Cassie... La original era en español (se puede leer acá)

Three days

As told by Cassie Ainsworth

Thursday, 1^st January

New Years Eve. Well, that’s how they call it… Does it really change something? Reuben is crying in the kitchen while mum and dad work with potter. The baby’s food is ready but no one is willing to feed him. Personally, I thinkit’s a miracle. I mean, the food. It’s the only thing I can control, my only weapon. When no one’s listening I must starve till I’m close to death. I need to feel the edge under my feet and walk through the borderline. Till I feel like I’m going to fall. And nobody is holding me, only my selfishness, the necessity of calling people’s attention. But well, it doesn’t matter. The weather’s nice, the sun is shining and my stomach remains empty. Michelle has just phoned to tell me there’s a party tomorrow night at Abigail’s. She’ll introduce me Sid Jenkins who, I suppose, is a desperate teenager who has fallen in love with her, though he’s a friend of Tony’s, Michelle’s surprisingly attractive boyfriend. Wow, they want me to take that idea out of his mind. Just wait and see…

Monday, 17^th July

Yesterday, at lunch time, I confessed Sid my “distraction method”, which is all about breaking the food in tiny little pieces and chatting, chatting, chatting… until the listener is distracted enough to make the food disappear without notice. He asked me the reason why I did that, and I told him nobody gave a fuck, He answered me he did. Then Tony arrived, always at the finest moment… “I think we should go on a date”, I told Sid later. His enthusiasm moved me.

Thursday 20th July

I’m on my way to the park. The date ended up in complete failure. Sid preferred to stay with Michelle, even though I didn’t eat for three days so I could be lovely, I mean, skinny. I’m not obsessed with weight, but people’s ignorance makes my stomach sick. I went to his place and waited for him. I whispered in his ear: “Wake up, Sid”. Oh, wow, that’s how love feels. Love aches